Monday, May 9, 2011

Mother Knows Best?

Yesterday I "celebrated" my second Mother's Day.  Last year, Charlie was just two months old and I'm pretty sure we slept through the big day.   I don't really have any memories of it-- and we didn't take any pictures of Charlie & me which makes me assume that one (or both) of us cried through it.  Perhaps that is the reason I was really looking forward to Mother's Day this year.  Charlie has been such a ray of sunshine lately--he is so fun to be around.  I find myself really enjoying his company, not just glancing at the clock every ten minutes to see how much more time we need to kill until supper.

So yesterday, Mason and Charlie treated me to breakfast at Village Inn before spending the beautiful day together.  And while the weather was just perfect, my little ray of sunshine was.....not.  He spent most of the day crying or whining for no apparent reason.  He didn't want to be held, didn't want to be set down, cried in the stroller, cried at the park, whined at the grocery store, screamed in the basement, and the list goes on.  By 6:00, Mason and I were about ready to send him off to college but we somehow made it through the night.  After a bath and some stories, we tucked him into bed and didn't hear a peep from him until 6:00 this morning.

I'm pretty sure the little guy was just exhausted--we had been my niece's First Communion/ party the day before and he didn't get much sleep.  Plus, he's battling bronchitis and a terribly runny/stuffy nose so he probably felt like crap.  However, this was just another lesson in motherhood for me.  I keep getting these shocking reminders that my little C is a person--with his own moods and feelings and actions.  My actions and mood will influence him, but can't make him feel a certain way.  It dawns on me now, that my mother probably felt this way many times (especially when I was in middle school).  Sometimes, I wish I could turn back the clock and just be a sweet kid all the time for my wonderful mother. 

I'm not sure you really appreciate all the things a mother has done until you become one.  As I grew older, I came to appreciate my mom more, and really understand the sacrifices she made for our family but I didn't truly "get it" until surviving this past year.  And even though I tried to force Charlie to be perfect yesterday, he once again, proved to me that I am not in control of him--and never will be.  Maybe I should start paying attention to these little lessons.....

(At least we got a few adorable photos--if nothing else, maybe I'll remember this day being near perfect)

The beautiful flowers from Charlie! (Daddy floated him a loan and helped pick them out)

My two "children".  Both look perfect in this picture.  Both are not perfect.  And neither am I.   

1 comment:

  1. Mother's Day is a holiday like many others... don't have any expectations and it will be fine! I always think some day I will feel appreciated on this day, but maybe not. Essentially because feeling appreciated is not in the nature of motherhood! :) You sure have those guilty mamma feelings down-- you need to quit being to hard on yourself. Relax and try to calm down about this motherhood stuff. Lots of people have done it, raised good kids, and didn't try nearly as hard as you do! I got to spend mother's day night giving 7 breathing treatments in 8 hours to my poor Saban and now he is back in the hospital :(. I feel like a crappy mom and a really crappy teacher (as I can't do both well at all right now) but no use dwelling on it. I just have to do the best I can!