Thursday, July 14, 2011

Dare I Say....

.....I'm enjoying being a mother.  (shhhhh!)

Now, I'm so hesitant to even post this blog because I'm terrified that the feeling is fleeting and I'll return to my more "normal" motherhood feelings soon.  But, I just have to explain this crazy feeling I've had for almost two entire weeks. 

When my parents brought Charlie back from his "Spencer Vacation" (only a 16 month old could find Spencer totally exciting), I was thrilled!  For the first time in his life, I missed him---really missed him, when I was away from him.  Unlike the majority of my peers, who claim to be heartbroken every time they are separated from their cherubs,  I usually am...well... fine with my alone time.  (and secretly love it)  But this last time was so different. 

Mason and I were at the cottage in Wisconsin and while we had a nice time up there, my heart was aching for C.  When I called my parents, I could hear him chattering away in the background.  They messaged me pics of his daily adventures and texted little things that he said.  During that week, he gained enough confidence to start walking alone (we'd been working on that since the middle of April!) and picked up a few more words.  After six nights away from him, it felt like he grew up and I had somehow missed out. 

And then it clicked.  Some mommy-thing inside me just seemed to snap into place.  Maybe it's because he is super attached to me lately (this can be super annoying but I'm trying to embrace the fact that he wants me and that I'm his first choice out of every other person in the entire world) but there's something that is directly connected to my heart when his little voice says, "ma-ma'.  And it seems to have a direct link to my patience and tolerance. 

Now, unfortunately, it has taken me 16 months to be more patient and understanding with my child (and granted, this might only be a phase), but at least it happened.  Every day C seems to be doing more, exploring more, learning more, speaking more.  He is changing right before my eyes.  And, like so many people told me (but I refused to believe), things are getting easier as he gets older.  His little personality is starting to shine through.  Like all of us, he has gems of his personality (his giggle, his cuddly nature, his love for animals, the way he'll curl up in his chair and read books) and duds too (he hates to be woken up too quickly, and he has an incredibly stubborn streak).  But honestly, as I get to know him more--and understand him more--it's becoming easier to cope with the daily grind. 

This past week, he had a tooth breaking through.  He was incredibly whiny, sad, clingy, and stubborn.  He didn't eat much, insisted on being carried, didn't enjoy playing.  A few months ago, I think I would have left him in his room to sort out his feelings alone, but now, I realized that something was amiss.  This wasn't our normal-happy little guy, & I assumed it was a tooth.  And now, after having been through this routine a time or two, I could tell myself that it wouldn't last forever.  A little extra TLC and cuddle time somehow got us through the week. 

Today, C's been in a super mood--of course, I'm scared to publish that for fear that it might somehow jinx this afternoon's mood--but I'm doing better at taking it all a day at a time, and soaking up the good times--that are greatly outweighing the bad these days. 

2 comments:

  1. I love that, Karah! It's so easy to forgot the little things and how the days go by so fast and that we really need to enjoy each one. I'm still a little foggy from trying to sleep with Audrey in a hotel room for three nights and having to driver her around Lake Okoboji each night (one night it was at 11 and 3:30) in the morning for her to fall asleep and not cry and wake up the rest of the crew. :) But then she wakes up happy, smiles at me and tells me, "I love you, Mommy"...how does that not melt my heart?! lol

    ReplyDelete
  2. "only a 16 month old could find Spencer totally exciting"

    Nah... I found my Spencer vacations exciting up until I went to college! :) Probably because I didn't grow up there. The thought of a 'vacation' to Newton makes me laugh.

    -----

    I love your perspective on this blog. It's so true that parenting isn't one big happy adventure. There are so many tough aspects of raising a little person. And some kids are just more challenging than others. I would have laughed in your face sixteen years ago if you'd have told me that the screaming, defiant toddler I was trying not to strangle would turn into the amazing, respectful almost-18 year old that she is today. Good grief, was she a pain in the ass. (Mother of the year, right here!)

    I'm glad you got to miss C while you were gone. And YAY for walking independently!

    ReplyDelete