Then, there are days like today where my little cherub wakes up at 4:50 am (FOR THE DAY, PEOPLE!), has a decent but shaky early morning, and I find myself thinking "At least it's a work day and he's not my problem for five hours" as I drive to our *****AMAZING***** daycare provider. And after thinking that, I found myself thinking, "That makes me kinda a $hitty mom....."
Then there are days like two weeks ago. When nothing in the world would make my son happy. (Except maybe if I had somehow been able to harness the moon and let him touch it--but currently, thank god, I haven't been able to figure out how to cater to that obsession yet) And as he whipped his body around the basement in full-blown tantrum, I sat on the couch, watching-- yet doing nothing (there was nothing to be done at this point) and I thought, "I'm definitely a $hitty mom...."
But here's my question: Where does this self deprecation come from? Really? I'm a $hitty mom? Really? My kid is well fed, well dressed, (mostly) clean, given plenty of opportunities for outdoor play and recreation, has a basement full of toys, has more books than some small town libraries, and gets to spend about 5-6 hours a day with his parents--who eat dinner with him each night, play "soccer game" and "football game" and "baseball game" before a very entertaining game of "hide and seek". He helps cook meals, he helps change beds, he dances and sings. He goes on 'discovery walks' where he searches for birds, sticks, rocks, and the ever rare "Frosty the Snowman". He is bathed regularly and has cozy flannel crib sheets to rest his head each night. And my friends, he's not even two!
Wow, after I typed that, I read it and you know what? That's pretty awesome.
So wtf? Why am I so hard on myself?
Here's my hypothesis: The Internet
Before the Internet, I'm guessing people didn't have this sense of "look at what I did!" that we seem to now. With blogs and Pinterest and Facebook, everyone is constantly posting the clever and cute ideas that they did for their darlings. We're always looking for ways to do something cuter and more clever than the mom next door. But really, what do we have to prove?
Here are some examples:
|"Fun and Healthy Lunches!"-- look at the presentation of these. C would be lucky to have crackers stuffed in a ziploc and thrown in a Target sack let alone a cute lunch box like this!|
|Oh, where do I start with this?|
|And this one? If it's for a tv food show contest, it's fine. But something to throw in a lunchbox? Or gobble up in two seconds at snack? Um, I'll stick to slicing up strawberries.|
Now, I will admit that I have a strong crafty-gene that runs deep. And I love a good art project as much as the next blogging mommy. But seriously, color coordinating lunches in fun shapes and cute holders? Sandwiches inspired from books? Mice made from strawberries? I have to say that I thought I was pretty damn clever to put strawberry flavored cream cheese on bread and present it as a sandwich to Charlie one afternoon. This idea ranks right up there with adding raisins to Special K, making heart shaped pancakes (which ticked him off), putting a chair in my closet to make a "fort", and wrapping ourselves in blankets and pretending to be tacos.
But while my little guy most likely won't have lunches shaped like Disney characters, or homemade stickers made from photos of his personal stuffed animals, or strawberry mice.....he will have me, my lap, and a weary left shoulder to always rest his head. And you know what folks? I have got to start being okay with that.
PS: I secretly love the ideas mentioned above.... but realistically know that I'll never ever accomplish adorable things like that.