Saturday, May 26, 2012

Too Tight for Comfort

(Originally written on Feb 28, 2012.... but still applicable today)

When I was a kid, my grandpa Bernie had an old-fashioned coin operated scale in his bathroom.  I LOVED standing on that thing!  I remember when I "turned" 100 pounds.  (Isn't it crazy that at one time in my life I couldn't wait to "get there" with weight?)

Then, when I was in high school, and miraculously in the midst of my crazy high self-esteem period (seriously), I never worried about my weight.  Judging by some of my hs pictures, maybe I should have cared a bit more.  And what's even stranger is that I had to walk around in a Speedo five days a week for work.  Come to think of it, maybe that is why I didn't care about weight....

Anyway, I went off to college, gained the usual Freshman 15 (or was it 20?) and then lost it that summer as I jogged and worked out like crazy.  It all came back the next year-- but I lost it again the summer I worked in Colorado at a camp.  (Hiking, swimming, camping all summer long will help in the weight loss department) Then, I really gained it back.  I ate like I did at camp but didn't move nearly as much.  So I was in this cycle of gain/ lose/ gain/ lose.

I really gained weight my senior year of college.  I don't think it's any coincidence that this was undoubtedly the most fun year of my college experience either.  Most of my leisure time was spent.... indulging.  Mostly in food.  And lots of drinks too.

But again, I lost most of that weight as I plowed through the next 2 1/2 years of grad school. (I think the coffee and smoke-filled bars for "study group" helped with the weight loss) And then, fast forward ten years (gasp!) and it dawns on me that I've really maintained a pretty steady weight.  Of course, I gain a bit over the winter but then drop it the minute summer hits.  I never try to "watch" what I eat because it seems like my obsessive personality tends to go into overdrive when I do that and it makes me crazy.  Instead, I tend to eat pretty much whatever I want within reason.  Then I don't get all weird with cravings and rules.  This means I'll eat fast food-- if we're on vacation.  I'll eat the cupcake-- if it's a party.  I'll eat the eggroll--  but only one.

I used to step on the scale every day and kind of judge my day by that number.  ("Stay away from the lounge food today!")  And honestly, although I appreciate that number, I actually judge my "fatness" from the way my clothes fit, rather than the number on the scale.

And recently.... my clothes are suddenly..... kinda tight.  I resorted to wearing my fat khakis to work the other day and they didn't leave a lot of room for fatness.  The day we had a financial meeting and I wore my work pants all day I about died from discomfort.  The first thing I do when I get home is pull on yoga pants---ahhhhh.  But unfortunately, I can't wear yoga pants to work. Dang it.

Maybe it's because there for awhile, I couldn't eat just three Thin Mints.  Or maybe it's because this winter I found a new love for Tostito chips with cheese and salsa.  Or maybe my body wants me to exercise more. (ugh)

As I mentioned in another post, I committed to participating in a sprint triathlon at the end of June.  I'm not sure why I did this-- a moment of insanity? My friend and recent race junkie, talked me into doing this.  And honestly, I'm a little nervous!  She's been so involved in exercise and health and fitness lately that I'm not sure I'll be able to keep up with her.  The first time I tried to jog, I ran all of 3 blocks and almost had some kind of massive lung-collapse.  (self-diagnosis)  But last week (May 16) I was able to run 3 miles.  So I'm slowly getting there.

See, the problem is that while I don't love feeling chubby, I have very little motivation.  This getting up at 5:15 to start my workout BY 5:30 am just KILLS me.  We tried having me go for a run when M came home from work but that just did not work well.  I'm hoping when school is out, I'll have more time to get my workout in, but I know it will still be a sacrifice.  (Then after that dang triathlon I can go back to sleeping in until 6:00!)

I'm hoping my clothes will feel looser in a month or so.  In addition to training, we usually walk everywhere in the summer.  Unless we head "to town" (30 min drive), we walk.  We usually walk to a park in the morning, and go for a walk after supper. We play on the playset or head to the pool in the afternoon, and grab the bikes for a pre-bedtime ride.  Although this won't get me ready for the triathlon, it makes sense that my clothes will feel better by mid summer.

That, and the fact that the Girl Scouts don't sell cookies in June.

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