Friday, November 23, 2012

Elf on the Shelf Fun Hater

Disclaimer:  I don't want to lose facebook friends over this post-- 
so I kind of apologize in advance if this is offensive.  Now let's begin

Well, Thanksgiving has officially passed.  And in the USA, the day after we give thanks for everything we are so fortunate to have, we rush out to stores, and buy things we probably don't really need.  And we also decorate for Christmas.

When I was a kid, we had a fabric advent calendar that hung on the closet door.  A little stuffed mouse moved from pouch to pouch to count off the days.  Sister and I loved it because usually there was a little piece of candy or trinket tucked inside each pouch.  Sometimes decorative socks or hair scrunchies (remember, we are children of the 80's-90's) were pinned to our advent calendar.  I'm fairly certain that both of us really enjoyed and appreciated the effort that Santa's Elf put in each night.  

But we never, ever, had anything quite as creepy as this hiding on our shelf:

Isn't that picture just the creepiest of creepy?  Like 100 on the creep-o-meeter?  As if I want a little clown-like figurine wearing elf clothing staring down at my family-- watching Spahnville basically self destruct if we make it to ten minutes past bedtime.  And I can only imagine the anxiety I would have knowing that he's going to tattle to Santa on me.  (Now remember, I'm going for Mom of the Year and I'm pretty sure that little Elf on the Shelf guy would clue Santa in on how I'm actually not worthy of that award again this year.) 

But anyway, lots of people have this little darling in their homes.  Supposedly, he watches over the children at home and then reports back to Santa.  But at night he seems to be up to all sorts of naughtiness-- which is apparently hysterical and adorable for children to find in the morning.  Oh, that silly little elf!  What mischief will he get himself into tonight!?  But, unfortunately for Charlie, his parents are fun haters and we won't be doing "Elf on the Shelf" in Spahnville.  And when C's old enough to ask why, I'll tell him: 

"They don't sell them in our town."  (We'll have to avoid Hallmark)
"That's only for people who have really naught kids and need extra watching."
"We did that when you were little and he screwed up all your presents so we don't want that to happen again." 

Or I'll just say, "It's creepy. Do you really want a creepy little guy wearing a pointy hat looking at you all night?"  Didn't think so. (And whatever happened to the elusive phrase, "Santa's Watching..."?) 

But anyway, in anticipation of the upcoming Elf-on-a-Shelf craziness that is to be flaunted all over facebook, (probably soon--when does this little freaky dude actually arrive?) I'd like to beg you to please refrain from showing me what adorable mischief your little elf got into last night.  I don't want to see him taking a bath in marshmallows or making snow angels in flour or hiding in your (beautifully decorated--not tacky like ours) Christmas tree.  

Now, if you really are feeling the need to make people smile and think, "Ah, that's hilarious!" and get some good positive affirmation via facebook, then I encourage you to post photos of your little elf doing some Naughty Elf things.  These are my kind of "Elf on the Shelf-isms".  Let's take a look at my favorites: 

Strip Poker Elf:

"I think I dropped my earring" Elf:
Pissed-off Elf:

Surprise! Elf:

Bender Elf:

I am officially an "Elf on the Shelf Fun Hater".  But I'm loving the "Inappropriate Elf on the Shelf" ideas.  I was first turned on to "Inappropriate Elf-on-a-Shelf" from this blog post.  Last year she held a contest to create the most inappropriate elf.  I have to say, those entries lifted my spirits more than I ever thought a creepy little elf guy ever could! Now go have some inappropriate Elf fun! (And post them all over your facebook to brighten people's days!)  

And for the record, if we ever do participate in "Elf on the Shelf" in Spahnville, could you please add that to the very long list of things not to point out to me when it happens?  Thanks! 

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