Friday, March 1, 2013

Life Lessons. Lid Up.

Nine out of ten times, I am the one to get up with C in the middle of the night when he needs to use the bathroom.  If you know my child, you know that he's part vampire and super sensitive to light.  In fact, he hates it.  It makes him squirm and whine and cry.  So, naturally, in the middle of the night, we do everything we can to avoid light.  Even when it comes to making the potty call.

When it comes to nighttime bathroom duty, C and I are like a well oiled machine.  He whimpers, I instantly wake up like a firefighter called to duty.  I fly down the hallway and scoop him up out of bed, while he is still whimpering and making incoherent sounds.  We rush to the bathroom, careful to make sure Bunny or Puppy or stuffed animal of choice lands on the floor and not in the toilet. (yes, I realize this is probably really gross but it is what it is)  I swiftly tug down his pants and undies and gently "aim" him in the general direction of the toilet.  Sometimes, I know my aim is dead on because I hear the instant sound of the water.  Other times, I know I'm aiming a bit high or low-- when it's silently hitting the bowl instead.  I mentally keep track of how often I have dead aim-- it's about 50/50.

Last night, C called out around midnight and M was out of bed before I could even react.  He took care of the whole bathroom duty.  Awesome.  3:00 rolls around and he's bathroom needy again.  This time, I'm the one up and at the helm.  Before I know it, we're in the bathroom, taking care of business.  I listen to the stream hit the bowl and silently note that my aim is not dead on this time.  Dang it.  0 for 1 tonight. We scoop Bunny off the floor and he's back in bed in probably less than 30 seconds.  

Before I know it, the alarm is sounding and our morning routine is in full-blown "go mode".  Teeth, shower, Clarisonic, flat iron, Clinique, clothes (jeans Friday!), coffee, oatmeal, keys (where are my keys?), Charlie....

C had trouble waking up, but eventually we made our way into the bathroom to brush teeth and get dressed. M came in to grab something and was stopped short.  "What the Hell!?" he asked, staring at the toilet.  And then I saw it.  A perfectly round puddle of golden pee pooled on the lid of the toilet.  I think I made a face like this:

"Did you forget to put the lid up?"

Again, my face:

And then my answer:
"It appears so."  (pause)  "Why was the lid down?  Now that makes zero sense."

Yes friends, this is the shit that happens in Spahnville.  He looked at me like I had lost my mind, rolled his eyes at me, wiped off the puddle with as many paper towels he could hold, and hustled out to the kitchen to grab his coffee and head to work.  This situation could have been maddening.  It could have been annoying.  It could have been super frustrating.  But I kinda thought it was hilarious.  Pee on the lid! Ha!  I guess I needed a good excuse to really deep clean the bathroom.  (And honestly, had the lid been up, my aim would have been dead on.)

1 comment:

  1. LOL oh my god, I'm dying right now. Hahahaha. Thanks for the laugh.