Thursday, September 4, 2014

Five Things Not to Say to a Pregnant Lady

For the most part, people are super sweet when you're pregnant.  My co-workers are especially amazing and say the nicest things to me.  Things like, "You look great!"  "You don't even look pregnant until you turn around!" "You definitely are glowing" "Go home and put your feet up."  "Be sure to take time for yourself!" and my favorite, "Make sure Mason is rubbing your feet and giving you back rubs!"

But then, every once in awhile, I encounter someone who maybe missed the social skills lesson in Guidance class.  And I know it's just par for the course, but c'mon people... do you really think anyone wants to hear the following things?  (I've been told each of these things in the past two weeks-- all from total strangers!)

5.  You look really good.....for being SO pregnant.
  Thanks!  But can I be honest here?  You would be a great candidate for the Kathy Lee & Hoda makeover segment on the Today show. 

4.  Are you sure there aren't twins in there!?
  Um, yes.  

3.  Wow!  You've really.....blossomed!  and: Wow!  You've really grown!!
  What is this? 1900?  Blossomed?  Really? 

2.  You're due in three weeks?  You're so....tiny.  Is everything okay?
  Thank you for your concern.  According to my midwife, I'm measuring perfectly--down to the day to be precise.  But see that lady over there?  She thinks I'm having twins.  Why don't you take up your concern with her.  

1.  Wow.  You look like you're going to POP at any minute!
  Great to know.  In fact, I had just been wondering what I looked like-- you know, I haven't seen myself since getting knocked nine months ago.  And I barely noticed how huge this belly is--you know, it doesn't weigh a thing or cramp my style at all.  

I suppose these comments could be upsetting-- but they mostly just make me crinkle my eyebrows and cock my head and wonder, "What the......?"  And then I make a mental note of what not to say the next time I see a very pregnant lady at the checkout line in Target.

What We're Learning 9-2-14

This conversation from Tuesday:

(Logistics make it easy for Nicole to pick up C from preschool and drop him off at home-- where I can greet him.  So far, this is working great.  He's excited and eager to tell me about his day the minute he walks through the door. ---this excitement fades approximately three minutes later when he's immersed in something else---like playing dinosaurs--so I'm glad I have the opportunity to sieze it!)

Me:  Hey Buddy!  How was preschool?!

C:  Great.  We learned fire safety.  We did a fire drill.  Do you know what that is?

Me:  Nope.  Tell me what happens in a fire drill.

C:  Well, first of all, Miss Kruger will say, "Fire Drill! Blue line!" And then we line up on the blue line and we go outside where it's safety.  pause....   And it doesn't matter if we leave our backpacks in our lockers because they can get all burned up.  So we just leave 'em there for them to get all burned up.  And all the stuff inside can get burned up.  And we just only need to get us outside.  Because we can buy another backpack but you can't buy another kid.  Nope.  You can't buy another me, Mom."

Me:  Let's blame this next part on pregnancy hormones....cue the eye watering.....  You're right Charlie, we can never buy another you and that would be the saddest thing ever.

C:  Can I have a snack?

Preschool is off to a great start and so far, Charlie seems to enjoy it and remains excited about it.  Last night at dinner we learned about the door helpers (#1 and #2) and what the teacher helper does.  It's funny to me that these conversations are even interesting---living in elementary school world where I see kids do 'their jobs' everyday and don't think anything of it.  Really, how hard can it be to be 'paper passer'? But hearing it from the mouth of my babe is just so different.  He has a job!  He's a door holder!  Wow!  He's freaking awesome, right?   (Go ahead, roll your eyes... I will too when I read this post in a few years.)